
This was after I sang “For Unto Us a Child is Born” from Handel’s Messiah to her.

This was after I sang “For Unto Us a Child is Born” from Handel’s Messiah to her.
Although I enjoy receiving them, I have not yet become a person who sends Christmas cards or Christmas photos or Christmas letters, although last year I did send a Christmas email. At the time, it seemed there was enough going on in my life to warrant the festively disguised update, as 2007 had seen some fairly major events in my life, most notably moving to a new city, starting a new job, traveling to both coasts and planning a trip to Hawaii (which actually occurred in 2008, so that might have been cheating). I thought about it for a few seconds today, what would I write about in this year’s hypothetical Christmas email (hypothetical because I am probably not going to send one)? There was not very much that happened this year. I am at the same job, in the same city, in the same apartment. I did not get married or even engaged, I did not have any children. I stopped painting, took a few intro-level courses at the community college, decided that now is not the time for graduate school, and started writing a graphic novel. It was a very quiet year, and in some ways a sad year. It was one of those years in which “the Lord takes” and I learned what it means to let that taking, which is painful, bring me closer to God. There was not much that happened this year in the grandiose-event sense of things happening, but I learned a lot. 2008 has been one of my biggest years yet, as far as learning is concerned.
Perhaps because I am simple-minded (or perhaps because I am an INFJ) I like to categorize my life by year. I tend to categorize by age, such as, “23 was my year of adventure, 24 was my year of romance, 25 was my year of heartbreak, 26 was my year of… (yet to be determined!)” but I will occasionally mix it up and categorize by calendar year (I’m pretty zany like that). If I were to do that this year, I think I would simply say that 2008 was my year of growing. And there are growing pains, but they are necessary. Anyway, I realize that every year we are alive we should be growing, shouldn’t we? And probably I’ve been growing all along but have only recently become aware of what that looks like, to change in subtle but monumental ways.
Oh, I get so cryptic at the end of the year. Probably I am feeling a little sentimental because of the holidays. I am feeling a little guilty that I have not been blogging at all about Advent, but I haven’t really been blogging much at all, so I’m not necessarily a horrible Christian, just a horrible blogger (and a mediocre Christian). Okay not really, I mean, this is a busy time of year no matter what holiday you celebrate, if any. It’s unavoidable. All right, that’s a wrap. (And that’s a hint… to what I’m about to go do!)
From the archives…..
What am I complaining about? It’s like 45 degrees out right now. Gas is incredibly cheap (just filled my car for $25!) I have a plane ticket to San Diego. And, whether or not I’m able to get excited about it, once upon a time Jesus was born. Cool!
Yay, my Welcome Wagon CD finally came! Right when I sent an aggitated email to the distributers, of course. Also, I added a button to subscribe to my feedburner… so subscribe! You’ll find it in the right sidebar, just under the photo of me looking so skeleton-cool.
Gwen loaned me an American Elf book and now I have the renewed urge to draw a daily comic strip, buuuuut I still don’t have the time. Gotta focus, Bea.
I’m cold all the time. Even the womb has been disappointing me lately.
I have not been in the Christmas spirit. I decided early on this time around to reject the commercial aspect of the “season”, and my plan was to focus more on the holidays of my preference (Advent and then Christmas). So I rejected the commercial, but somehow all the stuff that is meaningful to me has kind of slipped out of my sight also. Which leaves me with nothing, except winter and this constant feeling of cold. How depressing! Tomorrow morning, though, Christ Presbyterian is going to be performing Handel’s Messiah so I am really really hoping that gets me in the mood. Who knows… maybe we need some of the commercial stuff to keep Christmas real. As much as I hate it, maybe I need to fight the crowds at the mall and choke on the B.O. of some ragtag Santa Claus to realize that there really is something about this time that is different from the rest of the year.
Or maybe there really isn’t. We don’t know when Jesus was actually born, right? Maybe there is no real point to celebrating any of this. I have this fantasy of celebrating New Years by going to bed at 9pm on December 31 and waking up the next year, no party, no ball dropping, no midnight kiss (which I never get anyway!) Maybe that’s how I should celebrate Christmas too, just ignore it. I’m just so bored by all of the tradition.
What’s wrong with me this year? I’m in some kind of holiday funk.
It began innocently enough. Shawn was playing an instructional DVD which was teaching about light and color in digital art. I made the comment that I would like to learn how to use Corel Painter, and my mom said, “Well, Christmas is coming. Maybe you would like that program for a gift?” We already have Painter, so I began to think what else I might like for a gift. An ipod? Computer accessories? New clothes? My mind settled for a moment on one thing, and I announced, “I think for Christmas I would like a digital video camera.” Because it would be fun, to have one of those and make silly movies and capture the memories and what not. But is it something I need? Not at all. It’s something that would be outdated in a year and I would be unhappy with it and want the newest model. Don’t believe me? I have a video camera. It’s sitting on the top shelf of my closet because it’s not cool enough, it’s not digital, it’s not new. I have an old ipod and heaps of last season’s clothes and stacks of books that I’ll never read, music I never listen to, and computer gadgets I never use, and I’m sitting here thinking of what I want next? As if I need anymore stuff?
My good friend Rachel posted some great videos on her blog that kind of snapped me back out of my consumerist trance. She posted the first three but you should watch the entire series. They are informative and convicting.
My church has been talking about this thing called Advent Conspiracy, substituting compassion for consumerism. Even if you’re not a Christian it’s worth a look:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU&hl=en&fs=1]