There is a kingdom unlike most others, where royal highness is honored not by wearing magnificent gilded head wear, but by a porcelain trinket, fitted snugly against the humble remains of a failing molar and held there by a sour tasting cement, bonded together, this crown and this queen, for all of eternity. Today I joined the ranks of such royalty. You may catch a glimpse the next time I say “Ahh,” and you may feel a compulsion to bend on one knee in some kind of reverence, but I assure you, it is not necessary. Purchased sovereignty is not sovereignty at all. One day I bit into a piece of candy and my tooth broke, that is all.

It’s fixed, now. Hail the Queen!